Here's one for MadPriest, and other petophiles.
A man and his dog were walking down a country road, when they were hit by a truck. Coming to, the man found he was still on the same road, but now there were a pair of pearly gates just ahead of him.
"Where is this?" he asked the white-bearded gatekeeper.
"It's heaven," came the reply. "You were both hit by a truck and killed, and that's why you're here. Come on in – but we don't allow pets, so you'll have to leave the dog."
"I don't know," replied the man. "I think I'll just carry on walking a bit further."
A mile down the road, he came across another set of pearly gates.
"Where is this?" he asked the gatekeeper.
"It's heaven," came the reply.
"But I thought heaven was a mile further back," said the man.
"No," said the gatekeeper. "That's hell. They're not very good neighbours, but at least they filter out people who would leave their best friends behind."