I was watching Countdown on TV. The word was ‘dominee’ and Susie Dent in Dictionary Corner told us that in South Africa it means a minister of religion. As she added definition I found myself thinking ‘Minister of Religion? I’d like to be one of them'. And then I paused. I am one of them. A minister of religion. Ordained at that. An Anglican priest with thirty years parish experience.
So what was I saying? What did I mean? How could I long to be what I already was?
The truth is that I never found a way of being a priest and being myself at the same time. I was quite convincing in the part - but it was a part I was playing - an act I was putting on. I had many of the gifts that were needed for that role. But it rarely felt like me.